Text Wars
by sugarhuney2
Summary: Funny texts passed between the Hetalia characters.
1. My father and I

**A/N: I'm on a roll! Because I've been treating you guys so badly, what with my killing off of a certain beloved character... I'm going to make things a bit better with some humor.**

**My dad and I have a lot of... **_**odd **_**conversations... And these happened just recently. They're both through text messages, so I do believe this will be fun to read.**

**Just an FYI, my father is England and I'm America.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia.**

**/ / /**

**America: **We have no tomato soup.

**America**: We have no spray cheese.

**America**: We don't have any buttered popcorn.

**America**: WHO TOOK ALL THE FOOD

**America**: FOOOOOOOOOOOOD!

**England**: There are chicken nuggets in the fridge.

**America**: No! I'm not in the mood for those.

**England**: There's cat food in that big plastic tub.

**America**: -_-

**England**: You could always just catch a cat and have Chinese food.

**At this point, America just gave up and stopped texting England.**

**/ / /**

**America**: We need cheese and regular popcorn. Why you get the cheese popcorn is beyond my knowledge.

**America**: WHY DO WE HAVE SO MUCH KETTLE CORN?!

**England**: There's a big box of regular buttered popcorn. It's the 22 bags kind, and it's brand new.

**America**: WHAT?!

**America**: WHERE?!

**England**: Probably in the bag by the stove.

**America**: I am not in the finding of these things and where you put them

**America**: There's a Diet Coke in here, but nothing else.

**England**: Yeah, I've noticed you have a problem looking.

**America**: Nevermind~! I found it!

**England**: Where? Was it in plain sight?

**America**: It was ON TOP of the stupid stove. Why can't you put things on the GROUND like a normal person?!

**America**: And... Yeah... It was...

**America**: The box was even sticking halfway out of the bag...

**America**: This isn't regular butter! It's EXTRA butter!

**America**: You're ruining my life!

**America**: You're tearing this family apart!

**America**: I'm gonna run away!

**America**: Maybe this'll teach you to get the RIGHT popcorn next time!

**England**: It's zero cholesterol and promises promises

**America**: NO SHUT UP IT'S NOT THE RIGHT KIND

**America**: I'M FREAKING OUT HERE!

**America**: ANXIETY ATTACK

**America**: THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DON'T GET THE RIGHT POPCORN!

**America**: WHY FATHER, WHY?!

**At this point, England stopped texting America.**

**/ / /**

**A/N: Hey! If any more funny conversations between my friends/father and I show up, I'll be sure to add them in later chapters! I hope this made you laugh!**


	2. My friend and I

**A/N: Just... This is the crap that happens when my friend and I decide to text RP and play-fight. Be warned. This happened at about... Ohhhh... Midnight or 1. We were high off of tiredness.**

**I am Romano. My friend is Spain.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia.**

**/ / /**

**Spain: ***runs away screaming*

**Romano: ***smirks* My work here is done.

**Spain: **Uh oh...

**Romano: **What?

**Spain: **You're smirking.

**Romano: **I'm always smirking.

**Spain: **. . .*shuddering*

**Romano: ***raises an eyebrow*

**Spain: **I have... FOOD

**Romano: **FOOD?

**Romano: ***noms it all without giving you any*

**Spain: **I GOT TACOS

**Spain: **ARGHHHHHH

**Spain: **U ATE MAH FOOD ... do you know what this costs to you?

**Romano: **My virginity?

**Spain: **Personal space *slides in next to you*

**Romano: **OH GOD NO THAT'S EVEN WORSE

**Spain: **Virginity sounds more fun now that you mention it.

**Spain: **... MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

**Romano: **NO

**Romano: **GOSHDANGIT NO

**Spain: **Yes...

**Spain: **Oh most definitely yes~

**Romano: **CAS FIRST CAS FIRST!

**Romano: **I WILL CHOKE YOU WITH TOMATOES

**Spain: **Tomatoes have no effect on me.

**Romano: **THEN POTATOES WILL

**Romano: ***throws potatoes at you in a paniced manner*

**Spain: ***has french fries*

**Spain: **Really?

**Romano**: *facedesk* YOU CAN'T HAVE FRENCH FRIES

**Spain: **I have French fries...

**Romano: **AND I HAVE YOUR UNDERWEAR AND YOUR CAS IN MY CLUTCHES

**Spain: **NOT CASSSSS

**Spain: **NOOOOOO

**Spain: **YOU GOT TO THE PANTY RAID CONGRATULATIONS

**Romano: **GOSHDANGIT NO! YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE PROUD OF ME

**Spain: **I DO WHAT I WANT

**Romano: **No you don't. I am your master. You obey ME and what _I _want.

**Spain: **Yes mistress

**Romano: **Yay!

**Spain: **X

**Romano: **o,o did I do someting wong?

**Spain: **No I just cut my gums on a burnt french fry.

**Romano: **XD yes! REVENGE OF THE POTATOES

**Spain: **SHIIIIIIT

**Spain: **WHY DID I TELL YOU THIS

**Romano: **BECAUSE I AM YOUR MASTER AND YOU ARE UNABLE TO KEEP THINGS FROM YOUR MASTER

**Spain: **This is true

**Romano: **Everything I say is the truth.

**Romano: **Okay, that was a lie.

**After this, the conversation calmed down greatly and they talked about computer updates that would take over SEVEN HOURS to finish, and an impatient destiel RPer that became ver frustrated at this.**


	3. Anxiety Compilation

**A/N: A compilation of times when my anxiety got the best of me.**

**I'm Italy in the first and second and third ones. I'm America in the fourth one, and my cousin is England. In the fifth one, I'm Italy and my cousin is Japan.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia.**

**/ / /**

**Italy**: THERE ARE PEOPLE OUTSIDE MY CABIN SO I CAN'T LEAVE

**Italy**: YOU NEED TO COME AND GET ME I WANT TO GO OUTSIDE FOR ONCE

**Italy**: FATHER?!

**Italy**: FATHER HElP THEY FOUND A WAY IN

**Italy**: Nevermind! It was just Aunt Melanie and Alexis.

**/ / /**

**Italy**: WHERE'D YOU GO

**/ / /**

**Italy**: Would you come here and help me please?

**Italy**: Please?

**Italy**: Do you still have your phone on you?

**Italy**: I just left.

**Italy**: Please tell me where you are

**/ / /**

**America**: You should totally come over here so we can do the cardgamething.

**England**: No

**England**: You come here

**America**: No. There are too many people.

**America**: THE DOOR JUST FREAKING OPENED AND I DIDN'T TOUCH IT

**America**: IT SCARED THE CRAPOLA OUTTA ME

**America**: THE DOOR MADE A CLICKING NOISE WHEN I APPROACHEDIT WHAT DO I DO

**America**: DUDE ANSWER ME

**America**: DO WE HAVE ANYTHING MADE OF IRON?!

**America**: THERE'S NO IRON

**America**: DO WE AT LEAST HAVE SALT?!

**America**: THERE'S NO SALT!

**America**: WHAT KIND OF PLACE DOESN'T FREAKING HAVE SALT?!

**America**: I'm hearing thumping outside the bathroom.

**America**: Please come here, I'm freaking out!

**America**: Dude

**America**: Dude

**America**: Dude

**America**: Dude

**America**: Dude

**America**: Dude

**America**: Dyde

**America**: *Dude

**America**: Dude

**America**: Dude

**America**: Dude

**America**: Dude

**America**: Dude

**America**: Dude

**America**: Dude

**America**: Iggy

**America**: England please

**America**: The curtains are moving

**America**: ENGLAND!

**America**: This one curtain won't stop moving.

**America**: I feel sick, dude. My nerves... Oh gosh my nerves...

**America**: I CAN'T LEAVE THE HOUSE IN A TANK TOP AND THE GHOST IS GUARDING THE ROOM WITH MY BUTTON DOWN

**/ / /**

**Italy**: I CAN'T FIND ANYONE

**Italy**: YOU GUYS ALL LEFT ME LIKE IT WAS NO BIG DEAL

**Italy**: I'M PANICKING

**Italy**: YOU DON'T JUST LEAVE ME ALONE IN AN UNFAMILIAR AREA

**Japan**: Are you found

**Italy**: NO THANKS TO YOU

**Japan**: Okay just making sure


End file.
